PimpDifferent

"I'm kinda dissapointed in Cameron..."

You wanna score the touchdown, don't know who threw the pass...

I woke up Saturday and drove to Royal Palms Beach near San Pedro. I totally spazzed at the fact I could have driven to LA Harbor and gone on a half day, but I guess I will do that next Saturday. If I wake up early enough.

I got to Royal Palms at about 8 am. High tide was at 8 am, and I figured the best fishing would be on the outbound tide. Basically, the baitfish that would be using the submerged structure for hiding spaces during high tide, would have to move out into open water, thus causing the predatory fish to start feeding.

Didn't get a bite.

I drove home and took a nap. Saturday pretty much was ruined, but it was fun being at the beach. I had my mini iPod playing the minute i stepped out after parking, and it kept me company during very slow fishing times. Nothing like feeling water up to your knees while you traverse tide pools, while listening to music.

Sunday we had our 1st game of the tournament. We beat the team 19-2.

We pretty much are on a roll, and everybody's swinging the bat well. I have video of my base clearing bases loaded triple, but my brother decided to move the camera to the ground and didn't catch anything but me running into third.

But alas, we still won. time to start working out tomorrow...makes the day go by faster at work.

Plus i'm a fat boy.

On Monday, everybody's fair game.

I try to get to work early on Monday so I don't have to deal with the elevator musical chairs. There are 6 types of people you will encounter on your way up or down at our building.

1. The Suits and Ties. These guys (lawyers or real estate people) talk about their last round of golf, how their BMW needs servicing, or how their portfolio is treating them that week. They also talk about how nice the receptionist's (INSERT BODY PART HERE) looks this morning; but that only happens when they are in the elevator with their male counterparts.

2. The JLo's. The JLo's come in the elevator car and move away as far as they can from you, as if you are the reincarnation of the Outbreak Monkey. They reek of the newest trendy designer perfume, and leave the Coach or Louis Vitton tag hanging from their bags, using it as a social indicator that they are a lot cooler than you are. If they are alone, they get on their cell fone in order to avoid any type of conversation or unecessary eye contact If they are with colleagues, not only do they look like a hip hop dance group because they are dressed so similarly, but their topic of conversation is usually devoid of any intelligence.

3. The khakis and polos. These are the most normal of the bunch, but often seek to start up worthless conversation about ideas they have very little knowleadge in. These are also, your fair weather sports fans that will discuss only the most sucessful sports team of that time period. 9 months ago, it was USC footbal. Laker basketball quickly got turned into talks on, "How 'bout them Dodgers?" And that is the topic of conversation now. I would lend a few bits and pieces, but I don't like to get into arguments with people who just don't undersatnd where i'm coming from.

4. The 'secretaries and receptionists' are next on the list. These people u can spot from a mile away because they are always in bad moods or have a facial expression as if they're about to stab someone. So, you keep to yourself. These are also the people who somewhat fall into the next category....

5. The One Floorers. These people just piss me off. These are the people that'l wait on the Lobby floor for 8 minutes, to travel 1 floor. If they had taken the stairs, not only would it have convenienced them, it would also convenienced the other elevator riders; we dont' need to stop on every fucking floor. It's not that difficult to walk 10 stair steps. These are the same people that wait 15 minutes to catch a bus, to ride it for one stop, which is 5 minutes walking distance from where they were waiting. These are also the people that never read instructions, and the laziness shows from their everyday actions.

6. And finally, you have the gentlmen from a company that does video game work. You can already imagine these individuals. They look lke they woke up and came to work in the same thing they hosted their LAN party with. U can almost see the potato chip crumbs in their unmaintained facial hair, and can smell the nicotine rising from their clothing. And the best trait! They're 30 years old, but they act like they're 10. And of course, they always run in packs. Nerds did that in high school...Safety in numbers, eh?

And so, those are the 6 types of people you can encounter on any given day here at work. That's why i take the freight elevator. I don't get bothered by anyone other than people I don't mind talking to...u know, the cleaning staff, the security guards, the caterers, the delivery people, etc....

There's nothing like having a 3-1 count, and you're looking for a fastball down the pipe, and the pitcher throws a fastball. down the pipe. and you don't swing. it's so frustrating. but you are down 1 and must get on base any way possible. taking a pitch 3-1 in certain situations is acceptable. like when the pitcher is wild and is having a hard time finding the plate.

when fishing topwater baits, your first reaction is to set the hook when u see a fish rise on your lure. don't. keep the retreiving motion until you feel the fish. for anxious people like myself, i prefer reeling in hard without moving ur rod from the downward position it is in during topwater retrieval. don't set the hook, even if it's the natural reaction you have to that situation.

in more, baseball news, if you are below .500, you should NOT be in contention for anything, let alone the wild card. i haven't mentioned the dodgers in forever.

I hope they don't go around playing like shit in September. It's not a sprint. It's a marathon.

The weather in LA right now is satanically hot. I don't mind it being 85, but 98? That's not cool. The shit you deal with when you live in Los Angeles right now. A baseball team that's as hot as the weather.

had drinks from an old friend last night after work. her computer's sick and i have to fix it. had a nice little lesson in adware/spyware, and how it can royally fuck a computer. once again, i guess nobody goes outta their way to create software like that to invade MacOS.

I haven't had a hangover like this in a while. One of those hangovers that feel like you've just stepped off a roller coaster and the constant pounding in my head sucks ass too.

We lost by 14? today. Nice segway, I know, but the hangover and the loss are intertwined.

Last night, after coming back from a decent trip fishing inside Newport Harbor, we had our baseball banquet/awards dinner. Don't plan a open bar event the day before you have a game at 9 am. Needless to say, the entire team was wasted.

At 8:45 am this morning, 15 minutes before game time, our coach gets a call from our starting pitcher's wife. Our starting pitcher was still in the bathroom puking. Not a good way to start the game; having ur starting pitcher throwing up from last night's party. There were a few moments on the field where I felt i needed to run to the nearest toilet. I made 2 plays on the field that I consider to be in the top 5 i've made in my life. it sucks we got our asses handed to us.

let's hope i'm feeling better in the AM. i hate mondays.

El Nino is a weather phenomenon which leads to an abnormal warming of waters in the equatorial Pacific Ocean, recurring roughly once every three years.

The anomaly was first noticed by Latin American anchovy fishermen in the 19th century and was named in honor of the Christ child because it would take place around the year-end Christmas holiday season.

What does this mean for anglers living in Southern California? It means a huge procession towards the waters of San Diego...these are the conditions that we dream for. Better take advantage...

Contextual evidence:

San Diego albacore boats stopped
Thu Aug 19 2004, 07:14AM
Some very good stops going already today on albacore! Hang on- Looks like it's going to be one hell of a day!

First String scores over 200 yellowfin tuna
Thu Aug 19 2004, 06:35AM
Oh my God! Here it comes. The First String had over 200 yft yesterday on yft from 12 to 35 pounds about 120 miles from San Diego. Are you ready for some TUNA!

And that's only today.

Ugg Boots are exactly that.

UGGLY. It's 200 degrees outside bitch! You ain't in the tundra. There is no permafrost on the sidewalks of Wilshire and Rodeo Drive.

Camo prints? Although camo prints got old in 2001, there are a few people that can still rock those. BUT, don't put fuckin Hawaiin flowers on camoflauge print. That's a walking contradiction, like Jews for Jesus.

Green and pink? That shit's old. Played out. That's Spring, 2004. Especially on guys.

Heard rumblings from a friend from Canada that "rubber" boots are in.

"Rubber boots? Like the ones that sit out in the end of the backyard, covered in fish blood and slime; the ones that are accumulating more flies than a Sudanese newborn? The ones I use once a month when I don't want salt water and fish blood to ruin my Timberlands?"

A rule of fashion: If what you are wearing appears in the same column as FISHING LURES, you're making a fool outta yourself:

Don't wear stuff I wear on a fishing boat; hardly the place I want to get noticed. "Hey, girlfriend...what's ur sign? You're holding that reel wrong, let me show you how to catch some more fish."

More importantly, if you're paying more than 30 bucks for them, you too can be a moron. I understand that if you live in Seattle, or any other shitty region of the world that floods more than Biblical times, you might purchase a pair to keep your feet dry when you are commuting to and from work/school/getting meth (it IS Seattle). But this is fucking Los Angeles. The last time we had enough rain here to suffice wearing rubber boots, the Dodgers won the World Series.

Then again, the last time we've gotten snow in Los Angeles was 1851, but these dumb broads STILL wear their boots.

And who told Payless they could get into the mix? Getting Ugg boots at Payless is the equivalency of buying a BMW at a Kia dealership. After stalling out 40 times on the way home, you realize that the BMW logo has fallen off and although it looks like a BMW, it runs like a cheap Korean piece of shit car.

If you don't have the money to be a shitty Trend Lemming, don't do it. It's almost as bad as the people I see riding the bus, with their fake Jacob&Co watches on. Nigga, if you had 9000 dollars to blow on a watch, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be riding the bus. I thiiiiiink it's safe to say we all know how fake it is. They spelled Paris wrong on the watch face. And the minute hand isn't moving, it's painted on.

http://www.icedoutgear.com/ <---- This is what the culture has come down to. I didn't know they made "Hip Hop Earrings." Damn, I'm kinda hungry...maybe I should eat a Hip Hop burrito. But that's ok, we're going to BJs Brewery later today. I wonder if they have a batch of Hip Hop Beer for me. I'm gonna get some Hip Hop Chips and Salsa for sure. Then I'll pay for my Hip Hop lunch, with my Hip Hop American Express then i'll get some Hip Hop Ice Cream across the street from Haggen Dizzaz.

Better yet, get your HIp Hop combos? If you wake up one day and wanna be a Hip Hopper, hop outta your bed and click on this fuckin shit. Packaged for your pleasure.

Keep raping the culture. She don't mind.

What goes best with a long shitty work week? A short, shitty weekend! I have cornered the market in the ShortandShitty. I've had so many short and shitty weekends, I could express my frustration through an equation:

x=y^2

x = my age.
y = the amount of shitty weekends i have had during that point at my age combined.

You can deduct from there. Or multiply, whatever.

Saturday was spent debating whether or not a 1/2 day trip outta San Pedro would be a good idea. At 10:45 am, i needed to make my decisions but laziness and the promise of going fishing on Sunday morning made it easier to take off my shoes, and just relax during the day. Mid afternoon, my brother and I caught a movie in Pasadena. I won't tell you what movie it was, because the movie does not need my advertisement. To make a long movie review short, my brother LOVED it.

That should give you an indication of how well the movie was made.

He's not on my favorite person list right now. Neither is...uh...and that one person, and that other one...

Alarm set, 6:30 am. Wake up, wander into the kitchen, make some coffee.

I'M CURRENTLY ADDICTED TO COFFEE! GOD HELP ME.

It's like Juan Valdez evil spirit inflitrated my body and needs to feed on coffee in order to become stronger. My head's gonna start turning 360 degrees at work and I'm gonna start spewing profanities directed at my colleagues.

Wait, isn't that what work is normally?

Coffee...6:30 am. Luis was supposed to be at my house at 7 but his alarm yacked. I IM him at 7:15 telling him that i'm going back to bed but we eventually made it out of my house at 7:45 or so.

It took us a liiiiiittle tiny bit longer to get to King Harbor, thanks to the fine men and women of the Los Angeles Police Department.

Apparently, they don't like 2 people in a car who's registration is of last year. Plus, Luis was speeding while they were behind us for 4 miles.

Now, I understand why he kept on doing 80 when the police is behind you. It's all psychology. If you slow down, you are thus admitting you are guilty. You're saying, "you're right officer, i'm speeding and now i'm gonna slow down so drastically that you notice went from 80 to 55."

To add to the melange of "Things Why We Can Stop You For," his car's blinkers don't work. So, doing 80 down the carpool lane, in a car that isn't properly registered, then changing lanes without using ur car's built in turning signals equals LAPD turning their lights on the freeway (CHP domain) and pulling you over the side of the road in Torrance.

I'm just glad I ran outta reefer yesterday, or else u know i'd be stashing some in my fishing bag. Anyhow, they let us go after giving him a Fix It ticket. Thanks god we didn't have any gun incidents like we had last time a cop pulled us over. To make sure I didn't get shot because I was reaching for my wallet, I asked the cop

"Um, can i like, open glove compartment to get the registration?..." cuz i don't wanna get shot in the head.

of course, i left out the end of the sentence for fear of getting beat down with a Mag Light.

Finally got to King Harbor during low tide at 9 am, which killed us. Didn't see a fish on the surface, didn't see any of the kayakers and boaters inside the harbor hooking up anything. We walked the pier to see the pier rats were catching 5 inch mackerel.

I came home and because of change of plans, attended the Dodger game in which they got their asses kicked 10-1.

No worries tho. Taking 2 outta 2 from the division leading Braves is nothing to hang ur head over. But, i'm more worried that the Dodgers will start their lack of offensive production pretty soon and break the hearts of the true Dodger fans of the city.

I turn to Jeopardy to prove i'm smarter than most of the world, and low and behold, what do i see?

Fucking football.

Which brings me to the my annual, "Are YOU Ready For Some Football!! Cuz I Know I'm SURE NOT" rant.

TOP 5 REASONS WHY FOOTBALL SUCKS

1. Except for "skill positions," (wide receivers, running backs, quarterbacks, safeties) the entire role of the players is to run after the guy with the ball or roll around the ground with other men. Sounds very homo erotic to me. Baseball players pat eachother on the butt (even though i have NEVER done that in my life and don't plan on doing so) but football players roll around eachother in a sweaty dirty pile.

2. To "add" to the excitement of the game, there are 4 different ways to score. Baseball doesn't have 6 points, and 1 extra point, and 3 points if some 120 pound foreign kicker comes out and punts an oblong ball through a metal bar, and 2 points if you walk into your own end zone while you have the ball and some 300 pound with the IQ of a peanut hits you and you fall down go boom. I guess baseball is a bit more evolved. You know, cross home plate, and you get a run on the board. We don't chase around people because they have a ball and try to bring them down as hard as you can.

3. Hey, how about you tough guys play both offense and defense? That's right, that feeble brain of yours can only handle 1 task at a time. And 1 task during the entire game. "Mongo hike ball, mongo hit guy in front of me." Repeat. For 5 fuckin hours.

4. Hey! We don't need the pre pre pre game at 9 am. We don't even need the pre pre game at 10 am. Guess what? I could give a shit about the pre game special at 11 am. AND, i could give a shit about the pre game at noon. Finally, the game starts at 1 and after 4 hours of watching the equivalence of human Demolition Derby, it is over. Of course, at 5 pm, we have the post game show. Then at 6 we have the post post game special...Then at 7, when Sportscenter starts, they dedicated 25% of the show to the game they just showed.

5. When i'm playing 2nd base, the only protection i have is a hard plastic thing shaped like a pear around my dick. On the other hand, football players, that claim to be so 'tough' wear 120 pounds worth of gear. That's really tough. Go play rugby. Be a real man.

TOP 5 THINGS THAT CAN BE DONE TO MAKE FOOTBALL MORE EXCITING

1. No pads. See how many points you can score now.

2. You get 11 men on the field. Both defense and offense. You get 10 subs per game. Better use them wisely because when your quarterback has his clavicle sticking out of his chin (see #1), you better have substitutions left.

3. You have 3 timeouts for the entire game. Use them wisely. If you can't come up with an intelligent enough play in 45 seconds, you're a moron and deserve to be on the football field. And fuck this 4 hour game. First one to 21 wins.

4. You get 4 coaches. None of these 21 guys running around the sideliens yelling at the 2 guys they coach. And what's with the headsets that are linked to everything, including the quarterback's helmet. Is he that fucking dumb that he can't read signs? And is the coach that much of a pussy that he can't yell out plays?

5. You have to play 165 games a season. Let's see if you last 25.

I've said my peace.

How the fuck does the US not medal in beach volleyball? We invented the goddamn sport.

And who beats us? Switzerland.

Land locked switzerland.

Land locked meaning, not surrounded by water.

No water means no beach.

No beach, means no beach volleyball.

And they beat us. That's like France beating us in Bravery.

We should invent sports that nobody can beat us in.

Shopping at the Gap
Being Lazy
Eating Fast Food
Starting Wars

NOBODY'S touching us in those events at the Olympics.

I saw a cute Dora the Explorer backpack today, kinda like the one I gave my friend's daughter on her birthday.

Only problem:

My friend's daughter turned 3.

This girl was approximately 17.

What's up with grown ass people using pre school backpacks? That's not that cool.

You wanna wear some daipers too? I just don't understand that trend.

And If I have to see another pair of pink Chuck Taylors or pink Timberlands, somebody's getting capped. No more pink.

Jonathan tried to teach me. But his stoner instructions were not precise enough, and my attempts at rolling blunts would end in frustration. a soggy ass piece of tobacco leaf with some weed meshed in a twisted heap that was as useless as Shawn Green.

the next steps would be to roll out a new phillies, empty the tobacco without cutting the philly; just roll it between your palms, loosen the tobacco, and turn upside down and shake. then add the weed, pack it when a pencil or something, and voila, a blunt. rolling time: approximately 45 minutes.

not fun. especially when a blunt needed to be rolled, and time was of the essence.

i finally learned the lesson of the day.

sometimes you need to follow your own instructions. and mostly, patience is the key....

i'm watching New jack City. were all movies in the 80s so over the top?

well, since somebody asked for a list of my 'favorite' things, here goes:

My 10 Favorite 80s Movies of All Time

1. Ferris Bueller's Day Off

"Pardon my french, but if you stuck a lump of coal up Cameron's ass, in 2 weeks, you have a diamond."

2. The Goonies

"Hey Chunk. I got naked pictures of your mom takin' a bath. Wanna buy em'? Reeeaaalll cheap!"

3. Stand By Me

"How do you know if a Frenchman has been in your backyard?.....
Your garbage cans are empty and your dog's pregnant. "

4. Breakfast Club

"What if your home... what if your family... what if your *dope* was on fire?"
"Impossible, sir. It's in Johnson's underwear."

5. Caddyshack

"This is good stuff. I got it from a Negro. You're probably high already and you don't even know it."

Remember, "I Wanna Sex You Up?" by Color Me Badd? That was a dope song.

6. A Christmas Story

"Are you kidding? Stick my tongue to that stupid pole? That's dumb! "

7. National Lampoon's Family Vacation

"Excuse me, could you please tell me how to get back on the express way"
"Fuck yo mama!"
"Thank you very much. "

8. Coming to America

"Man, you lyin'. You ain't never met no Martin Luther the King. "

9. Jaws

"We're gonna need a bigger boat."

10. The Shining

"Darling! Light of my life! I'm not gonna hurt you. You didn't let me finish my sentence. I said, I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just gonna BASH your brains in. I'm gonna BASH 'em right the FUCK in! "

There's my list of things I like.