As I entered the piss covered floor that is the Men's restroom on the 9th floor, (You'd expect that 40 year old real estate agents who make over 70k a year would learn how to piss INSIDE the bowl) I came up with the perfect analogy of this job.
It started out as a 3 hour tour.
The cruise started out nice, until we got hit by a barge. With our boat sinking, we held on to driftwood and survived. The captain, who had just come on board, pushed survivors to get the driftwood. Instead of sinking with the ship, he went out like a sucka...
3 years later, we're still floating around in the middle of the pacific with nothing to show for it. A few team members have been eaten by sharks (also known as quitting in order to join companies where they have direct deposit on pay checks that do not bounce for non-sufficient funds). We have a captain that isn't going down WITH the ship, and more concerned with his survival. The direction we're headed is not dependant on us. We just follow the trade winds (also known as the Market Trends) and our captain is asking us to keep on paddling; not knowing that regardless of the effort we give, it doesn't matter because the trade winds are stronger than our paddling asses. Better yet, to keep us paddling, the captain keeps reffering to the Rescue Boat (adding more employees) that is on it's way. After 3 years, there is no Rescue Boat and i'm begnning to think we're being used as shark bait.
So here we are, floating in the middle of no where. One survivor sits on his piece of plywood and dredges the Internet for all sorts of free shit on Craiglist and does 20 minute checks on CNN.com to make sure the world is intact and Bush hasn't invaded another country. One survivor spends the day smoking, thinking of ways to quit. Another reads a book. The other talks to his fiancee incessently in baby talk. Another one keeps on calling sick because he has a baby. But, the survivors somehow have enough food and water, just like the survivors of GIlligan's Island. But unlike the island, I don't have the luxury to be drinking coconut juice (we rely on our own piss) and I don't have 2 hot girls living in the hut next to me. Instead, we have a captain that has no idea of the significance of the North Star, we have deckhands that could give a shit about anything but their own survival, and the owners of the boat are in on land, not even realizing their boat has gone down and the survivors are somewhere in the ocean waiting to be rescued. If I only had a fishing rod (personal assistant).
I diverge....
Our water cooler broke on Monday. The technician came in yesterday to fix it. These are his words:
"So yeah, the UV thing on that thing is messed up. I turned it off completely and you should turn it back on on Friday...it should be working by then. If not, turn it off and give it the weekend to fix itself. It should work on Monday. Can anybody sign this work order?"
I responded with, "Sounds like Windows. U sure Microsoft doesn't make our water cooler?"
Anyhow, it's Wednesday and my body is ready to fall out. I suffered from allergies all day yesterday and after giving my body a plethora of allergy medication, I think i'm ok.
I need to go fishing again. This El Nino phenomena has broke open the fishing in Southern California. This type of fishing happens once a decade...I'm taking advantage so when 2 years down the line there are SHITTY conditions down in San Diego, i can hold the memories of Fall, 2004.
Now, back to our regularly scheduled program....